08-Mar-10
-yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
-i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
-He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
-they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
-just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
-It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore
-Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
-Is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
(reply) don't start drinking without me
06-Mar-10
I love surprises. Fight your A.D.D. like I did and watch this video to the end.
-Seven
04-Mar-10
There is no longer a reason to be ashamed. Now you can just tell them you're 12. Read:
"After studies have shown increased sexual activity by 12- to 14-year-old boys, a Swiss condom manufacturer has created “Hotshot” condoms in smaller sizes. According to the Telegraph, various studies across Europe have shown teens don’t use condoms if the sizes are too big for them. So while a standard size condom is two inches in diameter, Hotshot condoms are 1.7 inches to cater to the teeny weenies.
A six-pack of Hotshots will set you back $7 — but don’t count on the smaller condoms being made available here anytime soon. Hotshots are not yet available for sale in the UK, which has Europe’s highest rate of teen pregnancy."
01-Mar-10
-Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
-It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
-my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
-Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
-wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
-did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
-I love reading there "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. i bet i know who wins that one.
-she broke up with me using backstreet boys lyrics.
-(reply)- you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
